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The Gurus Holiday Hangover Kit
January 4th, 2005
By Christopher Herz
The Health Guru / eCureMe LIFE
Now your Guru knows that all of your partying is out of the way, at least until
Valentines Day or the next time you have to deal with your family in such an
intense situation.
Until then, millions of Americans may be walking around holding their heads asking
why in the world they thought they needed to ring in the New Year by pouring
gallons of alcohol down their grills.
You Guru knows how nasty a hangover can be, and so we offer you a Guru’s
guide to getting over a hangover. Hopefully, you’ll realize you’re
not in college anymore and stop going to excess every time it becomes available,
yet until that time arrives, here are some helpful hand outs.
The first, and always best method, is preempting any type of hangover by drinking
a grip of water before you pass out and go to bed. I know you know that, and the
fact is usually you’re too wasted to think about that. So after you’ve
taken half your clothes offs, told your friends how much you love or hate them, and
finally broke down those dark spots in the back of your mind, drink the agua before
you pass out.
You Guru is here to pick you up in the morning.
- Get yourself a big old greazey breakfast. Throw on a dark pair of shades and
find the spot that sizzles off the grill. While you may being trying to avoid
these fatty foods, the oil will soak up the alcohol and allow for liquids to
replenish your body, stimulate the nervous system, and make that parade going down
in your head turn the corner. Don’t be a lean freak when dealing with your
condition.
- Give it up. You’re Guru is not telling you to go Bulimic here, but if
something bad is sitting inside of you, don’t be too proud to ride the
Porcelain train. Although there are a few rough stops along the way, the final
destination will be worth it.
- Bananas. That’s right George of the Jungle, the Potassium in these
little suckers will give you a kick start in filling you up with good stuff to
get going.
- Vitamin B can act as a filter in your body to rid itself of the poison, and
will help take the edge off the nausea. However, taking vitamins on an empty
stomach can cause sever pains after drinking, so try this after you’ve
gotten something down your gullet.
- Old sailors used to give those they had Shanghai’d Ginger tea to cure
them of their seasickness. If that didn’t work, they’d just throw
them overboard. Your Guru does not believe in such shock therapy.
- Now, since this one’s over the counter, we’re gonna say try it,
but don’t make a habit of it. Migraine Strength Excedrin as well as Extra
Strength Tylenol have caffeine and pain reliever that seems to take the edge off
of hangovers. Again, you probably want to eat before this. This is an option
only if there is no vitamin B in the house, but your Guru knows you don’t
want to go to the store, so I’m dolling out options. Always looking out.
- Drinking again does not cure a hangover, it’s just puts it on stand by.
Drinking again occupies your liver with trying absorbing the alcohol instead of
releasing the chemicals that cause you nausea and pain. If you need a delay, one
Bloody Mary will do you nice. But that night, you’ll be illin’.
- Get on out there and be like Rocky running through the streets of south
Philly. Exercise is actually the best way to get over the fuzzy Wuzzies.
Sweat it out of you, drink tons of water on the way, take a mellow shower, and
you’re ready to party again.
Well, not too much. Your Guru warns against excess, and with the year ending
with as much destruction as it did, we see no reason to raise glasses up to
anything other a moment of silence for those who were not fortunate enough to
usher in the new year with a toast.
Check yourself in the new year.
Peace.
H.G.
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